Wow its been a while since i wrote on here... and my last blog still stands true, but i dont know what to do, he is just all cought up with his past and doesnt get how much it hurts me. I know he still loves her and i know there is nothing i can do, but he should make up his mind if he wants to be with someone who doesnt want him or to be with someone who cares about him more than life it self. I've fallen inlove with a guy who might never love me back :( and just knowing that the person i love hearts in another place just hurts. All i do is stress about it and cry my self to sleep almost every night, because he just doesnt know how to let go of something that hurts him, like what am i suppose to do? All i want from him is to let go of her and starts something new with me... but i guess he just doesnt understand :( and ryan if you ever read this i hope you get the hint, or i hope this hits you up the side of the head to make you realize what we have might not be there by the time you decide what you want, im tired of cryin, im tired of seeing you heart over something you CANT have, and if you dont figure shit out i dont know what i want to do with you, cause i cant be with someone who;s heart is with someone else... im sorry its just so hard...
I care about you alot Ryan and i hope you realize that sometime soon...
Jess
Friday, September 5, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Can't Bet The Good Times
Hey everyone!, im in the best mood of my life and nothing can change that right now.
I found my prince charming and I hope it lasts a long time, Ryan you make me feel so happy when im around you, you take away all the bad, And i hope you like me as much as i like you...
I found my prince charming and I hope it lasts a long time, Ryan you make me feel so happy when im around you, you take away all the bad, And i hope you like me as much as i like you...
Saturday, June 21, 2008
*Sigh*
And thats the way the cookie cracks
Man last night was the worst night of my life. like what happened to you boys, what happened the the group?
I just wish it would all go back to the old times when we all where friends and were all happy man, i HATE CHANGE! this shit makes me cry all the time lookin back to when we were all friends to now nothing but hate and violence.
Man last night was the worst night of my life. like what happened to you boys, what happened the the group?
I just wish it would all go back to the old times when we all where friends and were all happy man, i HATE CHANGE! this shit makes me cry all the time lookin back to when we were all friends to now nothing but hate and violence.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
FedUp
Thats the way the cookie is made...
FUCK DO YOU GUYS PISS ME OFF! the next time someone calls me a man or says im manly or fuckin makes fun of me because i like girls they are seriously getting a punch in the face, im fuckin sick and tired of it, that oh im to butched or oh Jess doesnt like cock she likes the toco's, its called fuck the right off!!!! i am not a fuckin man an im not butch and who gives to fucks if i like Girls more then Guys! so ALL OF YOU can go FUCK YOUR SELVES!!!
FUCK DO YOU GUYS PISS ME OFF! the next time someone calls me a man or says im manly or fuckin makes fun of me because i like girls they are seriously getting a punch in the face, im fuckin sick and tired of it, that oh im to butched or oh Jess doesnt like cock she likes the toco's, its called fuck the right off!!!! i am not a fuckin man an im not butch and who gives to fucks if i like Girls more then Guys! so ALL OF YOU can go FUCK YOUR SELVES!!!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Just A Other Day
Thats the way the cookie ages
Well its been a while... my birthday has passed, alot of stuff has gone down. Done something im proud of and not soo proud of an things that i regret, but i just try to push those things into the past, and try to forget to make it seam like nothing has happened.
It seams that everything that i have ever loved has been flushed away in a instant nothing is really the same anymore, people are changing too fast, an sometimes i just feel that im gettin left behind in this horrible cloud of uncertainty. What happened to the good ole' times hangin out in the big group gettin stoned laughing havein a few beers, now like we are all split up into little clicks and people hate each other mostly cause they changed to much, it kinda hurts to just stand by and watch this happen to my friends, we are basicly one big family in a way but latly all we have been doing is pickin it apart. I think about this even time we are all together... maybe its for the better maybe we should try to stop it i dunno but it think its really RETARDED what we are going to each other. Seriously we need to all talk again but who is going to listen to a sorry pathedic Sixteen year old....
Thanks For Reading
Well its been a while... my birthday has passed, alot of stuff has gone down. Done something im proud of and not soo proud of an things that i regret, but i just try to push those things into the past, and try to forget to make it seam like nothing has happened.
It seams that everything that i have ever loved has been flushed away in a instant nothing is really the same anymore, people are changing too fast, an sometimes i just feel that im gettin left behind in this horrible cloud of uncertainty. What happened to the good ole' times hangin out in the big group gettin stoned laughing havein a few beers, now like we are all split up into little clicks and people hate each other mostly cause they changed to much, it kinda hurts to just stand by and watch this happen to my friends, we are basicly one big family in a way but latly all we have been doing is pickin it apart. I think about this even time we are all together... maybe its for the better maybe we should try to stop it i dunno but it think its really RETARDED what we are going to each other. Seriously we need to all talk again but who is going to listen to a sorry pathedic Sixteen year old....
Thanks For Reading
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Tear Drops & Sighs
An thats the way the cookie crumbels...
Man sometimes i feel like im all alone in this world, you know what i mean? No matter how many people are around you you still feel like your felt in the dark. That is how my heart feels doesnt matter if he is around or not still feels that there is a hole there.
I think im going to give up there is no point... im stupid for trying like i swear im just not made out for this hole love thing but the feeling always stays. Now i just feel like there is no point in tryin and i should get my head out of my ass and tell him already... see what happeneds like seriously im going crazy, really cant handle this STUPID feeling anymore...
I will always will be jealous when the girls hit on him even tho i know he probably wont do anything with them but i like him i like him alot... i kinda feel even more stupid writen thing people are probably like what a fuckin retard... and Gill i know you where only sayin those things to be nice to me... but it would never happen it would never work out and we would be the weirdest couple in town... it probably wouldnt of last too long anyways cause of Jeff...
I think the next time i talk to him i will tell him i like him straight up, and see what happeneds... so lets start by gettin my hopes down and shit ... hmmm This fuckin suck
Man sometimes i feel like im all alone in this world, you know what i mean? No matter how many people are around you you still feel like your felt in the dark. That is how my heart feels doesnt matter if he is around or not still feels that there is a hole there.
I think im going to give up there is no point... im stupid for trying like i swear im just not made out for this hole love thing but the feeling always stays. Now i just feel like there is no point in tryin and i should get my head out of my ass and tell him already... see what happeneds like seriously im going crazy, really cant handle this STUPID feeling anymore...
I will always will be jealous when the girls hit on him even tho i know he probably wont do anything with them but i like him i like him alot... i kinda feel even more stupid writen thing people are probably like what a fuckin retard... and Gill i know you where only sayin those things to be nice to me... but it would never happen it would never work out and we would be the weirdest couple in town... it probably wouldnt of last too long anyways cause of Jeff...
I think the next time i talk to him i will tell him i like him straight up, and see what happeneds... so lets start by gettin my hopes down and shit ... hmmm This fuckin suck
Friday, April 4, 2008
Mellow
An thats the way the cookie chills
Hey me again im chillin in creative writting class doing nothing but makin fun of mr. Leblanc... what a titty he is sometimes, its not like its a bad thing but it happeneds lol ...
*Sigh* I am tired as balls man lol mind is blank, wanting a smoke.... totally going to skipp third to go and look at cell phones cause i have a sub and she hates me and she will kick me out anyways, cause she is a whore a dirty dirty whore... mean old lady...
*Sigh* again... sitting here listen to other people convo's nothing very interesting...*sigh* im thirsty, and want to go home for a nap or something... i should go and get some coffee that would be kinda nice right now...
Oh got a funny memorie of me and tara lol when we were at Jb's last night when she tryed to kiss me and titty say lol and he had the face of a little boy walkin in on his parents having sex in the middle of the night, it was pretty funny. It was all fun and games but i think titty took it to a hole other world lol cause it is titty and he does these things. I love Tara she is funny to just bug and just to hang with, crazy stuff lol she all moody ^^, but that last night was the funniest thing Tara has ever done to me well exept the night when she attacked me in Gills room she was hiding in the closet and she jumps out and wraps her body around my wast and tells me to put the camera away lol oh what a funny night...
Hey me again im chillin in creative writting class doing nothing but makin fun of mr. Leblanc... what a titty he is sometimes, its not like its a bad thing but it happeneds lol ...
*Sigh* I am tired as balls man lol mind is blank, wanting a smoke.... totally going to skipp third to go and look at cell phones cause i have a sub and she hates me and she will kick me out anyways, cause she is a whore a dirty dirty whore... mean old lady...
*Sigh* again... sitting here listen to other people convo's nothing very interesting...*sigh* im thirsty, and want to go home for a nap or something... i should go and get some coffee that would be kinda nice right now...
Oh got a funny memorie of me and tara lol when we were at Jb's last night when she tryed to kiss me and titty say lol and he had the face of a little boy walkin in on his parents having sex in the middle of the night, it was pretty funny. It was all fun and games but i think titty took it to a hole other world lol cause it is titty and he does these things. I love Tara she is funny to just bug and just to hang with, crazy stuff lol she all moody ^^, but that last night was the funniest thing Tara has ever done to me well exept the night when she attacked me in Gills room she was hiding in the closet and she jumps out and wraps her body around my wast and tells me to put the camera away lol oh what a funny night...
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Random
Thats the way the cookie stays...
Hmm the first night i have stayed home with my family in like a really long time.. kinda weird but it feels good to stay home and just chill in my house an watch some tv.
Im sitten there listen to my little sister laugh about my moms leg hair... what a weird little girl but its funny, long enough to brade it she says lol yummy lol. My dad is being a titty and is tring to show my mom his ass cause he thinks he has a blister or a bowel oh soo funny, I have never noticed how weird this family is till i just sit here and listen to what they talk too...I I am the quite one i just sit and chillin, well that is not true sometimes i can be just a ball. Hmm sometimes i wonder if anyone else notices that my family is a little off... but w.e i dont really care its not like im around then for people to know that i am related to them lol
I was downstairs before on my computer and my little sisters makeup was just chillin and i was bored and had nothing else better to do and i put some on, like some eye liner and some eyeshadow and i looked kinda awesome yea yea i know conceited but im now lol i was kidden... i might wear it time to time now accualy when i am not to lazy to put some on... but kinda wonder what people will think, or say probably nothing. when my little sister first say it she was all like EMO where's the swoop Jess hugh and i was like i just wanted to look like my little sister lol and she got mad at me it was funny.
Tonight im kinda in a werid mood i dunno if im sad or if im happy kinda in a confused feeling... maybe i should go to bed soon or something, cause i didnt get a good sleep last night, sat up and thought to much about retarted thing an about things my friend said to me about how he feels when he gets stoned and shit, now i kinda think about why it happeneds cause it happends to me too and it bugs me alot... but its mellow i guess i will get over it. I dont know why i think so much when im stoned or when i am alone, it bugs me like all this shit goes threw my head and i just sit there and think and think and think abuot this stuff and i cant stop it like races threw my mind like wild fire and when i try to tell someone about it my mind goes fuckin blank an i cant tell them. The world goes on right? well i dunno i have nothing more.
Peace Thanks for Reading...
Hmm the first night i have stayed home with my family in like a really long time.. kinda weird but it feels good to stay home and just chill in my house an watch some tv.
Im sitten there listen to my little sister laugh about my moms leg hair... what a weird little girl but its funny, long enough to brade it she says lol yummy lol. My dad is being a titty and is tring to show my mom his ass cause he thinks he has a blister or a bowel oh soo funny, I have never noticed how weird this family is till i just sit here and listen to what they talk too...I I am the quite one i just sit and chillin, well that is not true sometimes i can be just a ball. Hmm sometimes i wonder if anyone else notices that my family is a little off... but w.e i dont really care its not like im around then for people to know that i am related to them lol
I was downstairs before on my computer and my little sisters makeup was just chillin and i was bored and had nothing else better to do and i put some on, like some eye liner and some eyeshadow and i looked kinda awesome yea yea i know conceited but im now lol i was kidden... i might wear it time to time now accualy when i am not to lazy to put some on... but kinda wonder what people will think, or say probably nothing. when my little sister first say it she was all like EMO where's the swoop Jess hugh and i was like i just wanted to look like my little sister lol and she got mad at me it was funny.
Tonight im kinda in a werid mood i dunno if im sad or if im happy kinda in a confused feeling... maybe i should go to bed soon or something, cause i didnt get a good sleep last night, sat up and thought to much about retarted thing an about things my friend said to me about how he feels when he gets stoned and shit, now i kinda think about why it happeneds cause it happends to me too and it bugs me alot... but its mellow i guess i will get over it. I dont know why i think so much when im stoned or when i am alone, it bugs me like all this shit goes threw my head and i just sit there and think and think and think abuot this stuff and i cant stop it like races threw my mind like wild fire and when i try to tell someone about it my mind goes fuckin blank an i cant tell them. The world goes on right? well i dunno i have nothing more.
Peace Thanks for Reading...
Fuck You Man
Thats the way the cookie makes you choke and die...
Man fuck this is pretty fuckin retarted Mr D is being a fuckin asshole man... like he is failing me in art class, all because he doesnt like some of the shit that i draw... like we had to draw a morf thing right and i did spider man turning in to mr. potato head and he didnt even look at it and then he has the balls to tell me that he is gong to fail me if i dont get my shit together and if i dont draw something amazing... wtf... he cant really judge my shit like that!. MrD at the beginging of the year liked my shit but now he is being a fuckn ass hole and wont even look at my art work all he says is oh go hang it on the wall, like what the fuck are you even going to mark the shit i worked really hard on? I dont even know what the fuckin to do cause no matter what i draw or what i paint he will not even look at it... so whats the point?
That dick said something about how i have to do a something big to get my marks up and i have about two weekds to do it... but it doesnt really matter cause like the dick is going to fail me anyways like he said he was... This is a bunch of fuckin bullshit! what ever i do i am pretty much fucked...
Now i think Mr.D is a fuckin cunt man like wtf! if he wont let me do my projects that i have to do to pass the class and if he doesnt look at them then what the fuck am i supose to do... this pisses me off!UGH! If i could i would punch him in he face... thats how angry i am right now like Grrr...To angry to type .. peace
Thanks for Readin....
Man fuck this is pretty fuckin retarted Mr D is being a fuckin asshole man... like he is failing me in art class, all because he doesnt like some of the shit that i draw... like we had to draw a morf thing right and i did spider man turning in to mr. potato head and he didnt even look at it and then he has the balls to tell me that he is gong to fail me if i dont get my shit together and if i dont draw something amazing... wtf... he cant really judge my shit like that!. MrD at the beginging of the year liked my shit but now he is being a fuckn ass hole and wont even look at my art work all he says is oh go hang it on the wall, like what the fuck are you even going to mark the shit i worked really hard on? I dont even know what the fuckin to do cause no matter what i draw or what i paint he will not even look at it... so whats the point?
That dick said something about how i have to do a something big to get my marks up and i have about two weekds to do it... but it doesnt really matter cause like the dick is going to fail me anyways like he said he was... This is a bunch of fuckin bullshit! what ever i do i am pretty much fucked...
Now i think Mr.D is a fuckin cunt man like wtf! if he wont let me do my projects that i have to do to pass the class and if he doesnt look at them then what the fuck am i supose to do... this pisses me off!UGH! If i could i would punch him in he face... thats how angry i am right now like Grrr...To angry to type .. peace
Thanks for Readin....
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Rambles
This cookie is will not crumble...
Well im not a a kind of person that likes to put her feelings out on paper or in this case a blog... but shit happends and i dunno about this hole blog thing.. but its mellow i guess... Right now im supose to go to coffee with Adam and Gill and probably others lol so i have to write this one fast.
Today was like a weird fuckin day man like i felt like i was fucked up on something good but towards the end of the day i felt like someone beat me up with bat, but now i feel good... maybe i was just hungry i didnt really eat anything all day...
I talked to my councellor i havent talked to her in like how long and it was good to catch up with her time to time.. but i should go see her more. She is pretty cool, and really funny... but she told me like the worst news today, next year i wont bealbe to see her cause she applyed for this thing, and she wont be seeing teenagers... only adults and i told her why? adults are not as exciting... and she just laughed at me... Im going to miss her... kinda going to feel a little empty with out her lookin over my shoulder time to time to see how i am doing. She wasnt only a councellor to me she was like a good friend... when she told me i kinda died a bit inside, it was horrible.She changed the subject tho to who i liked and it was crazy cause i couldnt stop smiling.. and she was all into it and was oh who is he and what does he look like does he go to school here.. and she was like if you dont tell me i can just find out a other way lol.. so i told her it was so funny ... she was like sooo does he like you and i just smiled an said i dunno and she was like dont be a pussy dear ask the stud out and i was like im soo shy and she was like fuck that and i was like i am and he is shy too and she didnt believe me lol ... but Gill and Parky are pickin me up for a cruse soo i gotta peace
Thanks for Reading ... April Fools!
Well im not a a kind of person that likes to put her feelings out on paper or in this case a blog... but shit happends and i dunno about this hole blog thing.. but its mellow i guess... Right now im supose to go to coffee with Adam and Gill and probably others lol so i have to write this one fast.
Today was like a weird fuckin day man like i felt like i was fucked up on something good but towards the end of the day i felt like someone beat me up with bat, but now i feel good... maybe i was just hungry i didnt really eat anything all day...
I talked to my councellor i havent talked to her in like how long and it was good to catch up with her time to time.. but i should go see her more. She is pretty cool, and really funny... but she told me like the worst news today, next year i wont bealbe to see her cause she applyed for this thing, and she wont be seeing teenagers... only adults and i told her why? adults are not as exciting... and she just laughed at me... Im going to miss her... kinda going to feel a little empty with out her lookin over my shoulder time to time to see how i am doing. She wasnt only a councellor to me she was like a good friend... when she told me i kinda died a bit inside, it was horrible.She changed the subject tho to who i liked and it was crazy cause i couldnt stop smiling.. and she was all into it and was oh who is he and what does he look like does he go to school here.. and she was like if you dont tell me i can just find out a other way lol.. so i told her it was so funny ... she was like sooo does he like you and i just smiled an said i dunno and she was like dont be a pussy dear ask the stud out and i was like im soo shy and she was like fuck that and i was like i am and he is shy too and she didnt believe me lol ... but Gill and Parky are pickin me up for a cruse soo i gotta peace
Thanks for Reading ... April Fools!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Thoughts
Hey im Jess... Well i guess this is the way the cookie crumbles eh?...
My mind is all full of fucked up shit but the one that is on my mind the most right now is about this guy i really like him but im to shy to tell him and its really hard too cause he hangs around this steriotype prick, plus he is really really shy...like im soo confused about it cause when ever we are alone together its like he is a hole diffrent person.. when ever im all fucked up around him i try to give him hint to know how i feel... and im kinda sure but not really at all if he likes me back... like i cant go out and just ask him... that would be soo weird.. and i dont wanna make is weird for him...When ever i get stoned he runs threw my mind like you wouldnt believe, like does he like me, or does he notice me when other people are about or does he think about me like i think about him... Wish it wasnt soo hard you now, like i concider him as a pretty okay friend, we hang out time to time, get stoned and have a few beers
Right now im kinda scared.. yea scared... cause im soo worried about what he will think, or what he will do or say after i tell him, but i dont think i can ever tell him cause i get all nervis and i dont know what to say around him, like my tongue just like falls out of my mouth when he is around. Like i have never like anyone like how i like him, there is just something about him, that makes me feel alive, makes me feel like nothing in the world is wrong, Ever had that feeling?
My mind is all full of fucked up shit but the one that is on my mind the most right now is about this guy i really like him but im to shy to tell him and its really hard too cause he hangs around this steriotype prick, plus he is really really shy...like im soo confused about it cause when ever we are alone together its like he is a hole diffrent person.. when ever im all fucked up around him i try to give him hint to know how i feel... and im kinda sure but not really at all if he likes me back... like i cant go out and just ask him... that would be soo weird.. and i dont wanna make is weird for him...When ever i get stoned he runs threw my mind like you wouldnt believe, like does he like me, or does he notice me when other people are about or does he think about me like i think about him... Wish it wasnt soo hard you now, like i concider him as a pretty okay friend, we hang out time to time, get stoned and have a few beers
Right now im kinda scared.. yea scared... cause im soo worried about what he will think, or what he will do or say after i tell him, but i dont think i can ever tell him cause i get all nervis and i dont know what to say around him, like my tongue just like falls out of my mouth when he is around. Like i have never like anyone like how i like him, there is just something about him, that makes me feel alive, makes me feel like nothing in the world is wrong, Ever had that feeling?
Like i dont want to have a relationship just based on the phsical love, like i dont want him to just think i like him for that or because he is good looking cause i dont like him for that... i kinda wanna stay away from that part for a while.. if i ever get him i hope he will respect that for a while.. but he is a really sweet, careing, kinda, and just awesome guy, and i care for him alot. A phsical relationship is way off from what i want, like dont get me wrong i love it when he cuddles with me but what ever that is mellow you know?
I've tried talkin to my friend about it but its so hard,Its hard because like what am i supose to say to them? like how im i supose to like ask them for help? They all have pretty good adivce but im to shy to use it but like my friend gill has kepted my hopes up a bit about him, and told me it will take time and i know it will... Fuck like its soo hard when two people are soo shy like this cause you never know how the other ones feels about you, and you kinda feel lost in the world.
This shit runs threw my head and keeps me up at night and it bugs me deeply, some times i feel like cring cause it hurts so bad not knowing how he feels about me,but all the hurts goes away when i see him... its soo fucked ... maybe i should just tell him.. and what ever he says i should just live with it? Right? Im going to do it.. next time im with him alone... Should I?
But Enough of me Rambling Peace Thanks for reading....
I've tried talkin to my friend about it but its so hard,Its hard because like what am i supose to say to them? like how im i supose to like ask them for help? They all have pretty good adivce but im to shy to use it but like my friend gill has kepted my hopes up a bit about him, and told me it will take time and i know it will... Fuck like its soo hard when two people are soo shy like this cause you never know how the other ones feels about you, and you kinda feel lost in the world.
This shit runs threw my head and keeps me up at night and it bugs me deeply, some times i feel like cring cause it hurts so bad not knowing how he feels about me,but all the hurts goes away when i see him... its soo fucked ... maybe i should just tell him.. and what ever he says i should just live with it? Right? Im going to do it.. next time im with him alone... Should I?
But Enough of me Rambling Peace Thanks for reading....
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